I will try my hardest to not spoil this movie for anyone who hasn’t seen the movie.
I don’t even know where to begin. This has been on my heart for a while now but I know that God wants me to share this testimony.
Change is something that I really struggle with. Its kind of weird because I’ve moved A LOT in my life so once I have a sense of stability, I don’t want to leave. Even if the situation I’m in is terrible for my mental, spiritual and emotional health.
Chris’ girlfriend Rose invited him to her parent’s home for the weekend. As the movie progresses, he saw all the signs to leave Rose and her family. He kept justifying their actions and tried to push through the entire weekend.
I was EXACTLY like Chris.
Over the years of living at home, my mental health deteriorated. There were neon signs and even soft whispers from God telling me I should leave. But I couldn’t. I was young, broke and scared. I didn’t know how to leave and I didn’t want to rebel against my family.
I kept justifying the arguments, the blame, the belittling of my emotions, everything. Showing emotion in my household was not something that was taught. I barely saw my siblings show emotion, let alone my parents. I was always labeled as the crybaby of the family, always in touch with my emotions. Many times, I kept what I was feeling on the inside. As I got older, I started to act out. I was suspended more times than I can count, lying, skipping classes, hanging out with the wrong crowd, you name it. It was a cry out for attention. I felt invisible in my own home. So I fed off of that and ran with it.
So many circumstances that happened that really affected my mental health to the point of me being suicidal in my last year of high school. If it wasn’t for my friends at that time, I would be dead.
At my lowest point, God was there for me. I kept hearing Jeremiah 29:11 and after reading that verse, I rededicated my life to God.
Life at that moment was steady. My faith was stagnant and had a routine. I was numb to everything. Then I finally reached my breaking point.
I packed up all my things and moved. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got to my destination but I trusted God. The funny thing is, I have been thinking about moving for so long but I was scared. The thought of failure scared me to no end but God said in Deuteronomy 31:6,
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Now I absolutely love to pray, I enjoy standing in the gap for others but on the drive here, I called out to God the ENTIRE two hours. I am almost positive he got tired of hearing my voice (lol).
Once I arrived I couldn’t even sleep. I was so worried about what would happen next. I knew I made the right choice but why was I still scared? I was terrified to the point I had two panic attacks. Even still, I kept pushing because I knew God would make a way. He would keep his promise and I would have the victory.
This is a huge change for me and this journey isn’t over but I am a proud resident of Buffalo, NY. This is just a small part of my testimony. God will continue to be glorified in everything that I do. In the midst of the struggle, I know that
“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” (Psalms 18:2)
Keep the faith. God hears your cry. He understands your struggle but I am declaring and decreeing, YOU WILL NOT FAIL.