I must say it feels good to be back. I feel like all of you are my friends and we are catching up on life while having brunch. I think I did myself justice by not counting how many days I’ve been gone but I must say, it definitely took a toll on me.
Last night, Hubby said these words to me and it resonated so deeply, “God’s plan will be completed anyway, so why run from it?” Once again, he’s right. I know writing has something to do with my calling so why not take the time and mold it?
I want to share what I wrote on October 26 in my journal (yes I am a grown woman and still writes in a journal, bite me): “I question my purpose sometimes. Like, if I cant help myself how can I help others?”
After writing that, I instantly regretted it because I felt like I doubted God. He allowed me to have this ability to write and touch others. I did not want to be that way but I had to be honest with myself. In doing so, it opened my eyes to a lot of self-reflection. Which lead me to write this on November 2:
I’ve lost my passion. When a short break becomes longer each day, your motivation quickly dwindles. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I think about it all the time and the success it can become but there’s no action behind it.
I feel stuck.
Excuse after excuse I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe this is the beginning of a new chapter.
Surrendering fully and wholeheartedly to God. Learning and accepting that its ok to feel uninspired. Understand that this gift isn’t for me to keep. Its to help others and glorify His kingdom. I know this journey wont be easy but im ready for battle. Ill be hit a few times but ill still stand tall.
Depression wont win.
Psalms 16:8 “I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me”
I had to look at myself and truly ask, what is stopping you?
The answer is nothing. These depressive episodes are a setback but they are not my final destination.
I have to start taking action against it and being active in either beating it or learning to cope well.
So I started journaling and doing a devotional that focuses on beating depression with scripture.
Now I am no doctor but I am able to know when something is not right and I want to fix it and so far this has been helping.
I am on this journey of self-love and getting to know ME. I have spent so much time focusing on what needs to be done and not taking the time to know what truly makes me happy.
I realize that there is so much freedom in being myself and I want to get there. Will it be easy? Of course not but it wouldn’t be a journey if it was.
I leave you all with this,
It’s going to be ok. Nothing worth obtaining is easy. You will get there, just trust the process and discover who God intended you to be. I love you. God loves you even more.